DRIFT

-


 

I never meant to lose her, 


but somewhere along the way,

I did 


she sat across from me, 


her smile soft, waiting for something 


I kissed her cheek like I always did, 


the gesture was there, 


but I wasn't. 


Not really. 


My mind was elsewhere,

cluttered, distant, 


trapped in a thousand thoughts

I couldn't untangle. 


She asked about my day, and I gave her an answer that sounded like words, 


but felt like nothing. 


I could see her waiting, searching my eyes for something real. 


But I couldn't find it. 


I couldn't find myself. 


I wanted to reach to her, to pull her closer. 


Her eyes so full of hope, so full of love, 


were starting to look like they were seeing through me, not to me. 


I wanted to hold her, 


but I couldn't even hold to my own thoughts. 


When my phone buzzed, I glanced at it without thinking. 


I saw her reaction in the corner of my eye, a glimpse of disappointment, maybe, 


but she didn't say anything. 


She just kept smiling, and it broke me more than I realized. 


My food sat untouched. 


My thoughts were scattered in a thousand directions. 


I couldn't breathe in this silence, 


I was drowning in it, but the words wouldn't come. 


I looked up, caught her gaze. 


Her eyes held me, but I couldn't hold onto them. 


The warmth between us felt like it had melted away, 


leaving nothing but emptiness. 


She excused herself, and I didn't even notice when she left. 


I was lost inside myself, watching her slip further away. 


When she returned, everything felt wrong. 


She was beautiful, of course, more beautiful than I remembered. 


But I couldn't see her the way I used to. 


I couldn't feel the pull, the desire to connect. 


I couldn't feel anything. 


She tried to smile, but it was a mask, a fragile thing that couldn't hold the truth. 


I could see it in her eyes. 


I didn't ask her if she was okay. 


How could I when I wasn't? 


I wanted to hold her, to tell her that I still loved her, that I was sorry. 


But I couldn't 


Because I didn't know how to find the love I had. 


I didn't know how to find me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Double Tongued Deaf

-
Image
 By Kevin Kogo We slept with water cannons cruising through our estates and tear gas canisters flying over our apartments. We heard the wails of massacre and blasts of the oppressors into the dead of night. We woke up to a timeline of gory images, 'Free so & so' hashtags, plus more bodies at the city mortuary. We quietly walked to work, kicking bullet casings and stepping over blood on the pavements, to meet fat apathetic bosses who dared question us about where we were yesterday. We are still staring at computer screens with black eyes and antagonized brains when the president gives a 30-minute press briefing saying only two words: "FUCK YOU." William Ruto - the devil we knew - has turned out to be a villain beyond any phrase. A deaf man with a twisted, reverse loyalty to his political friends, he has just hijacked this whole thing to dilute the self-serving cause. Honestly, WTF! Onesmus Kipchumba Murkomen, a flamboyant lawyer who wears a belt that switches ...
Read more

Silence is Betrayal

-
Image
  By Kevin Kogo Silence Is Betrayal.   To know, to see, to comprehend the grotesque injustice the state and its machinery inflict upon its own citizens and still choose the cowardice of fence-sitting is to admit that your education, however expensive, has rotted into nothing. You are a collaborator in your own oppression.   A young man—a father, a husband, the only son of an aging parent—was torn from his humble home 400 kilometers away. Dragged onto a bodaboda, hurled into unmarked Subaru, beaten, tortured for hours, and finally strangled to death. But the monsters weren’t done. They paraded his grieving father—exhausted from a night-long journey—onto a cold bench at Central Police Station, left him to wither for hours, then spat in his face with a lie: "Your son banged his head on a wall killing himself ."  Albert Ojwang’s death didn’t just break the camel’s back—it shattered our faith in this system. We were the obedient ones. The ones who marched with f...
Read more