Alive or Not

By:Kevin Kogo

Staring at the ceiling fan
at three in the morning
My mind a nonfunctioning pile
of overloaded rubbish
Worrying if I am worrying
about the right
things I need
to worry about after a day
in the life
of someone who just
cannot worry anymore

Frustrated enough
to cry because
I cannot help them all
Too many hurt people chased
by too many demons
Looking for a little light
in a world slowly
fading to darkness

Overloaded to the point
of a constant throbbing pain,
gnawing at the base
of my overflowing skull
Wasted nights trying
to understand what
cannot be explained,
wondering why hatred
and intolerance are now
proof of faith in God
and a love of country?

Not even good wine
deadens a mind
which has had enough,
feeling too much
of the worst we can be
as humans,
too little sleep
to give me relief,
too much disbelief
my world has
become a place
where I no longer
comprehend what we have lost,
a world once good,
now destroyed
by a people of hate

The anger and fear are
what keeps my tired mind
wide awake,
refusing to give in
to a few hours
of the lost dreams of innocence,
now reduced
to watching the slow spin
of the fan blades,
lost in a rhythm
demanding nothing
but a stare, and drool,
not a brain cell left
that gives a damn
about anything

The only ones
who can ease this agony
stand with their backs turned,
The pain is what feeds
their agenda
Proud of the hatred spread
in their names
Needing us hating each other
so we spend less time
hating them

I will rise tomorrow
the same man
I have always been,
one who believes
good rises,
while hate fades,
another day where
I hope I can make
a little difference
by refusing
to let a world
gone temporarily mad
touch my soul

I wait for the sunrise
to touch us all,
a new day where we find
our way back
into the light,
leaving the people
of hatred lost forever
in their own darkness