𝗧𝗼𝘅𝗶𝗰 𝗣𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆,𝗱𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗺.

"𝐴𝑠 𝑚𝑦 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑘𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔,𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑚𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑎 𝑔𝑜𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑝𝑠,𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑦,𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑘𝑢𝑜𝑚𝑜𝑘𝑎 𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑢𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑖 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒."

The first book i read in 2019 was 'the power of subconcious mind',the last book i read was 'the 50th law',in between i had read over 30 books in a span of four months.I felt better,knowledged and smart.But to be and feel are two different things.

In quest for self help,i had pushed myself beyond the limit,i rushed into a rogue self revolution trying to kill my thoughts,perspectives and lifestyle.I was trying to install a new way of thinking,a better way,as i thought then.An optimistic world of pure positivity and meaningful engagement.Where did i get?13 months later a cloud of depression was hanging over my head and the "you are better" apparition had faded into a raw reality that i am alone in a dark,lonley route.

My first transition was to kill the hypersomnia character and embrace the lark behaviour,wake up early and sleep early.It was a swift successful change and this got me digging deep into the self help process.I was soon taking cold showers,eating on time,going for morning runs and resolved to read 2 books every week.Their was no time for social media or tv shows.In 3 months i had wiped out my extrovert self and was now a lone wolf struggling to conquer what i refferd to as my weak past.

I joined alot of twitter lists and groups for testimonies and progress checks,subscribed to motivation channels,attended seminars e.t.c. All along comforting myself that as my friends engage in reckless parties and drinking,social media gossips,memeology,pintrest fantasies and kuomoka illusion,i was making something out of my life.It was all a delusion of having superior intelligence.

By March 2020  when i was coming to a decision of shaving my dreads (I have always been so attached to my hair) i thought that i had reached the limit.I was not better,i was perfect.

For 19 years i had been brought up and grown seeing life from a certain angle.From the start there was nothing wrong my character and even if polishing was necessary it wouldn't be far from my original self.But my PFC had been misguided by online gurus and authors like Michael J Losier and Robert greene.Opinions that seemed so intelligent after all didn't turn to be actual.They were just some experimental thoughts backed up with commercial agendas.

Soon i couldn't keep up with myself.Forced positivity and optimism didn't seem to settle well with me.Moodiness and anger crept in,the perfectness that i had built on quick sand was now crambling.Unknowingly i had created a blue print for misery and sorrow.Egocentrism,antagonism and sophism were now on the reflecting side of my character.Depression was a caution notification.I had augmented a sickness that has cost alot of time,attention and resources to cure.

I have written this piece not to discourage anyone from the self help process.view it as constructive critisism and logical questioning of the intention of the influence coming with self help.If you see it us a pessimistic tackle against positivity and optimism,you have misunderstood my point. 

                                                  𝐵𝑦:𝐾𝑒𝑣𝑖𝑛 𝑘𝑜𝑔𝑜